I have a provisional licence... you have a pink one right?

Looking out over the expansive road in front of them, the one that could go any which way, any direction, take them anywhere; he felt excitement and nervousness (the two often go hand in hand) bubble through his hot blood.

And that was great and all.

It was.

But he couldn't help his mouth having it's say on the matter.

"So... where are we going?"
"Huh?"
"Where is this going? Us. We. Where are we going?"
"Wait... wait just a second..."
"No, I think it's time we addressed this issue."
"No, yeah, I know it's just..."
"So where are we going?"
"That's the thing! I thought you were fucking driving!"
"And you're not?!"
"SHIT!"

The Persistent One

"It's over."
"...No it's not."
"Er, yes it is."
"Nu-uh."
"Yuhuh."
"Nope. Can't get rid of me babe I'm afraid, you said you'd love me forever."
"Look. Seriously. This is it. This is the end."

She paused. To him it looked like the message had finally gotten through.

"Ok."

He nodded at her acceptance and left her be. She smiled to herself.

"Yes it's the end. But there's still the epilogue."

The New Year... a celebration for all... apart from christmas trees.

Upon taking my dog for a walk one cold evening in early January I came across a rather dismal sight. The next morning was to be rubbish day, so of course everyone left their bins out, but the sight became rather comically upsetting as next to each bin there was a Christmas tree; all bare and naked, with all their lights gone and decorations packed up. They looked so cold, unwanted and ashamed. So of course I had to do something about it. I took some footage of all the trees I could find, and the more I discovered the more I realised they had a certain character about them, with some left in front gardens to look through the window at the warmth and happiness inside... they looked like they'd been rejected by those who had once loved them and made them look and feel beautiful.

So obviously I found a story in all of this. But this time I made a short film. My first ever, as I'm not very good with all this technology malarkey.

And I realised that the christmas trees' emotions (yes I'm personifying them) at this time of year is very much like being dumped/rejected by someone, as when someone likes you they make you feel beautiful, but when they don't anymore you feel rubbish, left out, you remember all the good times, and just generally life is crap and you can't believe it will ever be good again. ANYWAY I'll stop there, as it's all in the film.

And here it is.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/user/01lostandfound?feature=mhum

featuring very lovely music by alex kozobolis and opaque nature:

http://alexkozobolis.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/opaquenature

listen and love them.

x

The Good and The Bad

The Good and The Bad

There was this girl. She lived in a home where from her window she could see every soul of the world. She didn’t know how it worked. She didn’t even question it. She didn’t possess a mind that questioned just a mind that accepted and thought ‘sure, of course’ without ever needing to expand and find some scientific equation to explain. Why explain when there is nothing to be explained? Can’t things just be?

Anyway, from her window she watched the souls wandering about in their lives. Some always in a hurry, some aimlessly, you know how it goes. She watched them fight and tear themselves apart, rip themselves away from others and live closed off, shut off, within their own shells. She shook her head and tutted. Did they not understand that human beings were not designed to be alone? They craved attention and warmth and love. But the people below grew scared of each other and built up walls as thick as skin. Keeping the bad stuff out and the goodness of their soul in. But with all goodness secluded to themselves, the world grew sick and needed some loving help.

The people could not put the world right again, they couldn’t see how or what was needed to be done, they didn’t have the perspective that she did, so she knew it was up to her. Her heart ached for them, her body convulsing in sympathy with her mind stretched to unfathomable lengths as she wished and hoped for each soul daily.

She could not stand their pain.

But there was one thing that stood in her way.

And it was him.

There was this boy, as there always is where there’s a girl in these things, and he knew what she had to do to make the ache go away. And he would not let her do it. She couldn’t. He loved her and what about him? Didn’t he have the right to be happy? Didn’t she? Why waste it all because of that sea of fools below her window? Why couldn’t they figure it out for themselves?

But she shook her decided head and cupped her hand under his chin. And he knew what she was going to say before she said it. He could see it in that sad smile.

“Because love is not for me.”

It wasn’t so bad at first. When she first started to weave her blanket. But as the days turned to months, turned to years, the boy could see how it drained her. But she continued to sew.

Sew.
Stitch.
Make.
And mend.
Sewing the world back together again.

With every needle droop, sink and fly back up again; the life from her body caught in her throat and upon the world below it did descend.

She had taken to staying in bed, she told him it was because she was tired. But he knew her better. Her physical strength had left her now. All that kept her going was the ache for the injustice inflicted upon those she loved.

So she stitched her blanket, her love coursing through the thread that she knitted it with. The embroidered picture was bloody brilliant, a bright, bleeding red; an image of a rouged world, with all the countries being sewn back together again.

The boy watched her every day. Even though it pained him to see what was being done. He watched her. And as he held her pale hand, when she would lay down her stitching and close her eyes for sleep, he noticed how the red tracks beneath that frail skin ran blue. She was sacrificing not only her love, but her life for the sake of their souls. And it killed him. For she could not see how beautiful she was. And she would not believe him when he told her. She just responded with a sad smile and a shrug and distracted herself with her sewing.

Each and every morning, the moment her tired lids dragged their way back up over her orbs, her hands reached for the next stitch automatically. No rest for the good.

And he would grasp back at the hand that she had taken back from his, and he would tell her “Please, just not today, please.” And she would smile at him like she had done all those years ago, and he would know that there was nothing he could do that would make her stop. She had got it into her head that love was not for her and that the burden of their souls was upon her shoulders.

And so she took up her sewing each day. And as she did, flickers of fanciful good floated down into the cities and the countryside. People noticed that sometimes life wasn’t so bad. In fact sometimes, it was even worth it, and by heck it could be fun! Especially when they found somebody to love.

But the boy was bitter at it all. If love was not for her, then it was not for him either. And to prolong her life whilst she slept, he unpicked the threads she had done that day. But you must not blame him, for he only wanted her to stay. Stay in this life, just a little longer, for all he had ever wanted was to be the one to always hold her. But she knew what he was doing, so she sewed quicker, too many stitches an hour for him to unpick later.

So one fateful day she sewed off the last thread, and it was done, her last breath was taken and the ache that infected her body was done.

The boy, ever watchful, endured watching his love die. Leaning his head against her lifeless face he kissed her and silently cried. Once a day had passed since her last stitch, he went to that window and scowled at the oblivious happiness of those below. He took up her scissors and cut a few threads, and heard the howls of those who mourned below at the bad that had just happened.

He was surprised by the instantaneous reaction. And vowed never to do that again. His love would have died for nothing and he knew that would have been pointless.

But sometimes, just sometimes, when he reflected on how the injustice had refracted its way away from them onto him, he cut just one more thread, letting the love in someone’s life below greet death, just so he himself didn’t feel quite so alone in all of this.

So yes, sometimes good graces your life and then sometimes bad; but what you must realise is just how much love there is in your life and be glad.

Robbing the Hood

I’m looking for Robin Hood,

Have you seen him?

Coz we could really do with his story

We’re being suppressed, shushed and crushed again by those bloody Tories

Cause they’ve fucked up again

Fucked us over again

Acted like we could be friends

But they lied to us

Stabbed us in the back

And friends... they just don’t do that.

So I’m looking for Robin Hood

Have you seen him?

The class war,

Is getting on its armoury

And it took so long to get a society even close to living in harmony,

But the rich are going to get rich

Whilst the poor get poorer,

It has been spoken

That the right for education has been broken,

It’s only for the privileged didn’t you know

Because of course let’s not educate those below,

That way we can do as we please,

With no one to argue their case coz they don’t have a degree.

So I’m looking for Robin Hood.

Have you seen him?

It looks like it’s down to us again

To pritt stick this country back together

Make do and mend.

Because all the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Can’t put this mess under the carpet again,

So looks like we’re going to have to have a voice

And talk over their cowardice noise

Not down with a wolf in sheep’s clothing,

Let’s show them,

And like Red Riding Hood lets have the guts,

To not lay ourselves down to these cuts.

We’ve gotta get our hoods on

Turn our swag on – I think is the phrase used by the young.

And with our

Hoods up

We’ll Stand up

For what we believe

That we should all be treated equally

Because this world is not a eton boy’s playground

Nowhere else in Europe this promotion for the rich is found,

Sat in their second homes

About us they moan

And they laugh and they scoff

But what makes you so much better if you’re a toff?

They don’t seem to understand you don’t need a title

To be entitled

And with each parliament, the injustice is heightened

Coz they’re robbing the hood

So I’m looking for Robin Hood

So please, if you see him,

Tell him, we’re really really going to need him.

The Berry's Revenge

The Robin hopped from foot to foot.

Oooooooooh, he just really, really REALLY wanted some ribena. Hot ribena preferably, but any would do right now.

The problem was he’d given up his addiction for lent.

He looked down at his red plumage and threw out his wings in horror. He was sure his feathers were losing their colour.

Right that’s it, he decided. Either he’d have to give in or he’d lose his right to be a robin. Who’d ever heard of a robin without a red chest?

He hopped erratically closer to the berry bush he’d been perched in front of for the last two days. He shuffled briefly from foot to foot and in a flurry of pent up tension, thrust himself up into the thorny branches. He found the fattest, juiciest berry and took it in his pointed beak. Tossing his little head from side to side he attempted to pluck the berry from its branch.

The berry wasn’t so down with this. So put up a fight for as long as possible. The other soundless berries could only watch in horror as their bestie was stolen away, they struggled in the breeze to reach him, but there was nothing they could do, so were left to watch helplessly as the blood of their brother spilled through his cheeks and the robin was finally granted his wish. They scorned him as he flew away into the late afternoon sky.

The Robin felt triumphant, soaring through the clouds with his treasured prize, the juices already trickling across his tongue down to his aching stomach.

The Berry felt smug. For he was a poison Berry.

The Rather Messy Breakup

The Rather Messy Breakup

“Let’s just be friends.”
She carefully placed her tea cup back on its saucer. Fanned out her fingers and told herself that her hands weren’t shaking. He looked from her face to her hands to her face again. They were shaking.
“Excuse me?”
“I think it’s best if we are just friends.”
She stared out of the window for some time. He grew a little worried for her sanity, but was in no position to judge or to push her so he kept quiet and kept his thoughts to himself. She watched a girl dance through the street, grabbing the hand of a boy who was chasing after her as she did so, pulled him towards her and kissed him hard and decisively on the lips before dashing off once more. Lucky bitch.
“I don’t agree.”
“You don’t agree?”
“No.”
“Ok.”
Well, that was the oddest response he had got to this usually very successful line.
“Can I ask why?”
“No. Not really.”
“Right...”
Well, this was very awkward.
“You’re really going to have to give me something here.”
“Can I ask you why you think we should just be friends?”
“I... just don’t think we would work.”
“Fine. Well then you can understand why I don’t think us not being together and just being friends will work.”
“Umm, no, actually I don’t understand.”
He wished he had ordered a pint now. He had not had the forethought for this conclusion. He thought it would have been a clean break, barely worth ordering a coffee over. A quick –Hey how’s it going, so I’m just going to, yep there you go, break your heart, here have it back- and Bob’s your Uncle done!
“Let me tell you what I don’t understand then maybe we’ll come to some form of understanding together.”
She laid her hands flat on the table. That was better. She felt more in control.
“I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to be with me. It’s just all a bit silly isn’t it, because I can tell you now what everyone is going to say when I go home in tears and down a bottle of vodka: You’re too good for him, he doesn’t know what he’s missing, he can’t see how great you are, you don’t need him, you’re better off without him, he’ll see how great you are and will come running back and then you can reject him, he’s intimidated by how great you are, you’re too beautiful for him... do I need to go on, or do you get the picture?”
He got the picture, but wasn’t quite sure what to say to any of this. Most girls went home and did their crying and questioning behind closed doors. Out of sight. Out of mind. And that was a routine that had served him perfectly fine. He was ok with it. Don’t fix what ain’t broke and all that. Did she not get that?
“But we won’t work together.”
“Why?”
“Because my heart’s not in it.”
“And my heart’s not in us not being together.”
She leant back away from the table and took a leisurely sip of her cup of tea. Yes, this was a lot better, a proper solution finding conversation. None of this statement-bish-bash-bosh-we’re over and done business.
“But you can’t force two people to be together.”
“Then why can you force two people to be apart?”
She had him there. And she knew it.
“Why should you get your way? Why can’t we do it my way?”
“Because it doesn’t work like that.”
“Who says?”
His hands messed up his perfectly crafted hair that he had prepared earlier. If he was going to dump her, he had wanted to look good whilst doing so, it was that extra twist of the knife that those doing the stabbing did, though God knows why. It’s not very kind. Anyway, he wasn’t looking his best anymore. His carefully composed look was looking worn and distraught, his shirt frantically untucking itself from his distressed jeans (not that his jeans shared this emotion, they had just been stressed when dyed), his cheeks flushed and his hair was not looking quite so artistically messy.
“I don’t see how you can only see that we have to do it your way. We do it your way and I’m unhappy but you’re happy. We do it my way and I’m happy but you’re unhappy. It’s an equal balance either way, so each conclusion should be on the cards.”
“But you can’t force me to like you.”
“You can’t force me to not like you.”
“But... but you can’t force me to stay with you.”
“And you can’t force me to leave you. You see where I’m going with this yet?”
He saw where she was going with this.
But what was worse, was that he saw (in some weird, and roundabout way) that what she was saying actually made some form of sense. He desperately didn’t want it to. But it did. Damn.
“Now, let’s say that we’ll date for this first month, then not the second, then will the third... and so on and so forth. I really think we ought to start off as dating seeing as this was my idea, I should get some form of credit for it! And we’ll stop when either you fall for me, or I fall out of love with you. This way we’re equally happy and equally in pain.
Right, pick me up tonight at half seven, and make sure you’re on time, you know how particular I am, and remember to change your online relationship status when you get home. I love you boyfriend.”
She kissed him firmly on the lips. He could not reciprocate, too stunned by what he had got himself into. She cleared her throat and tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for an appropriate response.
“I... err, love you too... girlfriend.”

The Tree of Knowledge

How do the owls know so much?
Well, I’ll tell you.
The owls, they sit in the trees and as they do the trees whisper through their leaves the secrets of the world. And the owls spin their heads and hoot “woah!” And then they fluff up their feathers, that are now so full of knowledge, puff out their chests and fly off out into the night, hooting out everything that they’ve found out to be right.

And the trees, they sigh in the breeze, yet another flighty friend has taken off again, they harden their bark, they will not cry over this again. But their leaves descend in showers, everyone can see them track their way down to the ground, but no one says anything. No words of console for those weeping willows. The people and animals rush by in their busy lives, ignoring the pain in that arc that shelters them from the rain.

But the trees, they remind themselves that it’s ok. One day those below will all be gone and they’ll be the last ones standing at the end of the day.